Monday 24 August 2009

Celebrity Death (Re-)Match #8 Roc Wieler

Roc Wieler - The Colonel (23rd August 2009)

The day had been long and mostly boring. My evening however had been most exciting. A pre arranged fight with legendary Tony ‘the Weekend Warrior’ had swung heavily in my favour. The Celebrity Death Match scoreboard was looking good with myself in the lead with 7 wins and the celebrities trailing with 3.

Morale and bloodlust still soaring, I had found renewed faith in frigate class hulls. My datapad showed the one man still at the top of my list. His image flickered briefly as I called upon him.

‘Good day Civire’ the colonel greeted, ‘I presume you would care for that rematch?’. ‘Yes’ I plainly responded, already undocking my Frigate, knowing the colonel would accept. ‘You know where to find me’ Roc stated, but destination Dal had already been set. ‘I will make my best speed however it is 18 jumps’. Comms fell silent for a moment but the fallen peoples hero grimly stated; ‘18 jumps is a long way to come and die…’. ‘It is colonel, but it will be worth every second of pain I get to inflict upon you’ I responded. ‘I like your attitude young warrior’ he smiled.

On route to Dal some light pleasantries were exchanged. The warriors complemented each other on their written work and art.

The colonel offered to fly his famous Faction Firetail into battle and after some consideration I had to accept. Knowing full well the skilled Matari pilot would have a distinct advantage did not deter me as an additional rule was set out; we were to spar to the hull not the pod.

On Arrival in Dal I quickly docked to repair my still damaged Kestrel from the fight it had won a little earlier.

Nerves started to set in as colonel Wieler signalled he was ready and requested a jump in distance of 50 kilometres. I undocked ‘Bloody Sunday’ hoping she would give me victory again and warned Roc; ‘prepare to die colonel’. ‘I always prepare’ he responded and continued; ‘good luck’.

It was the first time I had seen a Firetail and yes it is a beautiful ship. Nevertheless my intentions were to strip the ‘Renegade’ from its gleaming shield and armour. Afterburners ignited and pushed my trusty steed towards the adversary. The distance between us only closed slowly...40...37..34...31...28...28? A missile slammed into the side of my ship, ejecting bright sparkling matter from within. And another, and another. ‘Having fun yet?’ the foe laughed at me. ‘Crap’ is all I could muster knowing Roc had outsmarted me. My shield now half gone and in a desperate attempt to get within range I overloaded the afterburner, briefly pulling me to 20 kilometres but it was not enough. My Caldari Navy rockets fell short of their target, and exploded feebly in empty space. I began to feel I had merely been invited to a target practise and knew my fate was sealed when the shields gave up.

‘Kudos’ I spoke in our private chat window as my Kestrel spewed out its insides. ‘Um what?’ Roc uttered ‘you were mid armour!’. ‘Aye, it’s like paper’ I explained.

The embarrassed Matari officer offered to purchase a new fitting for me but I declined explaining it’s not a problem.

‘As a fun sidenote for you’ the colonel taunted ‘I also have a Damage Control II I never touched, a Pith C Shield booster I didn`t touch, and a BZ-5 Grav Jammer I was ready to use if I needed to’.

I laughed out loud and we talked for some time about ship fittings and the Firetails’ abilities. ‘I trust this was fair enough?’ Roc asked. It had been my choice to challenge the Firetail and a ship loss is always a risk so I assured him; ‘Aye Captain’. ‘Aye colonel’ the colonel corrected me. We laughed and exchanged some more pleasantries. Roc deposited 10 million isk into my account and explained he understood it’s not about the isk but about the gesture.

A Rifter duel was offered to the pod and I accepted gladly. Travelling to a nearby market hub to buy and fit another Kestel I contemplated a different setup but in the end decided to give ’Bloody Sunday’ another chance. With the fitting saved it didn’t take too long to get everything together and made my way back.

On arrival back in Dal the pleasantries had stopped and I put my war face back on. There would be no mistakes this time. I instructed my DPS monster to warp to 0 and on landing scrambled the feared ‘Ripsack’ immediately hoping to kill its microwarpdrive. Primed Arbalest launchers poured out faction armaments as I dictated a tight orbit. Our ships flashed past each other and circled tightly, dancing the tango of death. His shields melted in a few volleys and with his armour exposed I overloaded everything I could. My shield was barely holding up but triumph was sure to be mine. His armour now creaked and started showing signs of breaking with my shields now also giving in I closed all windows and prepared to capture the moment I won a Roc Wieler killmail. As my screen was cleared from all unnecessary visuals Roc’s ship appeared to slow briefly before a bright flash filled my screen. YES! I WON! IN YOUR FACE COLONEL! IN YOUR FACE!

The screen regained its colours and my mouth dropped, eyes widened. The Kestrel I was expecting to come out of the flash had transformed into an egg. How? What? I reopened the communications window and there he was, laughing at me. ‘Hahaha’ Roc laughed, ‘thought you had me didn’t you?’.

The colonel explained what had happened and his skills and experience as a pilot had shown. He consoled me by saying; ‘You are a noble opponent. I have to say I’ve enjoyed our encounters’. However it was too late, I docked my pod. The colonel had well and truly smashed my morale and scoreboard together with my ships.

Colonel Roc Wieler saluted me a left-handed Matari salute and I responded with the Caldari right.

This was to be the last time we were to meet under pre arranged circumstances; however we both know that the war is not over yet….

I retired to my bunks for an uneasy night sleep. Tired and broken, licking my wounds…

Related links/posts;
Roc’s side of the story;
Celebrity Death Match Killboard #1;
Celebrity Death Match Killboard #2;


  1. You might want to change "Amarr" pilot to "Matari" pilot at the risk of offending.

  2. Yup, you better change it before he reads it, otherwise you'll really be in for a world of hurt.

    Roc hates the Amarr.

  3. REALLY hates them...

  4. Crap. My mistake. Sincere apoligies, I wrote this at 3 am this morning... I shall edit it now.

  5. Much better. Thank you kindly, Civire.

  6. Quote:

    I laughed, laughed very hard!

    Also, you need to do some modifying of your killboard, looking a tinsy bit messy at the moment :P