Sunday 16 August 2009

Celebrity Death Match #4 Roc Wieler

Roc Wieler – The Colonel, Capsuleer App Creator, Blog Master (16th August 2009)

After being stuck in a wormhole for hours yesterday, freedom came at last very early this morning. Thankful to be out I moved a Drake to Emolgranlan today where I am due to have a Celebrity Death Match with Kane Rizzel and Kirith Kodachi, but more on that later. Having arrived at my destination I tweaked the two Battlecruisers I have stationed there to suit my needs in the upcoming fights. And then I spotted him. No shit. The colonel himself! seeing him online is rarer than Morphite. I didn’t hesitate and invited him to a conversation. He promptly answered and was courteous from the beginning. I explained my reasons for disturbing him and tried to get to the point as quickly as possible, briefly interrupted by my laptop crashing. ‘Equipment deficiency?’ he asked when I returned. Slightly embarrassed for clearly a bad start I continued my request for a duel. I am a keen reader of Roc Wielers blogs and he is also the creator of the i-pod capsuleer application (my favourite) and will be publishing his novel soon so keep your eyes peeled!

Roc has by this point clearly read my details and is aware of the opposite sides of the war we stand. However this is a personal obligation and nothing to do with the war, besides my corporation has temporarily retracted its involvement in preparation of the alliance tournament.

The colonel agreed to the fight and I immediately undocked in one of my Drakes ready to make my way to Dal where he was plexing. My ships systems notified me that the warp drive was engaged, butterflies already in my stomach. ‘I don’t really fly them’ he lets me know in our private conversation window. Crap, stop ship, return to station. We briefly discuss ship types; he owns some Battlecruisers and even bigger however he rarely flies them. Frigates it will be then. By this point I already knew I was to lose as Rocs Rifter skills are first-class. Roc kindly offered to fly his famous Firetail into battle however I had to decline as I have nothing that even compares to the quality of that ship. I had resigned to the fact I would have to pick up a Kestrel about 10 jumps out.

Mental note I need to be prepared for frigate class battles if this blog has any future. Most duels are fought in frigates not in my beloved Battlecruisers. I made him aware of the delay it would take for me to get a ship ready but he was very patient and waited for me.

Ten jumps to my main base and 13 still packed in bubble wrap Kestrels awaited me. Delivered more than a month ago by a business associate, they haven’t even felt the cold dark vacuum of space yet. I quickly started fitting the best I had available, even slapping on an EM-shield resist rig to give myself a chance against the EM-ammunition the colonel would surely be fitting. Rats! No microwarpdrive! Damnit! By this point I was getting anxious for making him wait and I didn’t want to miss this opportunity. I undocked and made a swift detour to the Amarr trade hub where I also swapped my regular ammo for faction ammo. Debating whether I should take out the damage control and go for another damage modifier. Sod it I thought, knowing that the fight was not likely to last long. Only a handful of jumps to Dal and we formed up a fleet. We have already agreed not to kill pods by this point so my clone goes to war with nine implants in his head. On route I kept telling myself to rename my ship to something witty. I forgot.

On arrival in Dal Roc had put himself into a safe spot ready for me to warp to. I intended to stay at about 10 k range so it seemed a good warp in distance. The distance became shorter and shorter before the warp bubble collapsed around me. Without further ado and my senses sharp I locked, having already primed the 2 groups of rocket launchers…. What? I pause momentarily, confused about the CONCORD warning message displayed in front of me. His targeting system has now locked on to me too and he is closing in fast. It must be wrong surely, and choose to ignore the warning, knowing full well that CONCORD police may land on me and take me out quicker than even the colonel could. My rockets spew from their bays and sink deep into his shield. ‘Whoa!’ Roc starts, ‘wait a minute’.

I knew exactly what he referred to. He had received the same warning message as I did but made the wiser choice of not firing. We briefly discuss the options, both confused why the message had come up in the first place. My decision to fire gave me an immediate deduction of 1 whole point in CONCORD standings. A bit harsh. I warped off in the meantime until a decision had been made and to give the fight a clean start. Mid warp I wanted to kick myself as in my excitement I had forgotten the Global Criminal Countdown and landing at a gate was not going to do me any favours. On landing at the gate I immediately commanded my ship to warp back to Roc, taking a full hit from a gate gun nearly destroying me.

On route back to the ‘Ripsack’ named Rifter, its pilot noted my DPS was surprisingly high. And I agree, the damage my tiny ship put out was astonishing. Full of confidence we danced the dance of death again.

My warp in wasn’t as clean this time but good enough. I quickly managed to get into a 10 k orbit of his ship with the rockets pouring pain on his shields. The air tensed and I felt confident, his ammo had missed nearly every shot so far and my capacitor remained stable after a quick burst of the shield booster. My newly acquired overheating skill was put to use for the very first time, slightly worrying me as I didn’t know what to expect. Caldari Navy Thorn Rockets already hurtling at his ship appeared to come out even faster and angrier than before. Not just finishing of his shield but now taking big chunks out of his armour. I was certain to win this fight, my shields still at full strength and his ship now….leaving?

My heart sank. I had been denied the killmail of killmails. The Roc agreed however that I had won the fight. He appeared somewhat distressed about the fact that he did little to no damage to my ship and requested to pick up some different ammo to have another go. I quickly agreed but made him aware of the state of my ship, the launchers were half burned out and I was running low on ammo. He had some in his hangars at a local station and kindly dropped some more ammo off for me. So, we where to dance again. I felt confident in my ship and fitting choice and was keen to try again.

Colonel Wieler landed right on top of me and his ‘Ripsack’ let rip. I’ll be honest and admit that the fight lasted a mere 15 seconds or so. I clutsed around trying to get at range and messed about trying to get the microwarpdrive off then on, then in a desperate attempt to make something of it I think I may have tried to overheat everything not really sure what I was doing. I noticed my capacitor (with already minimal capacity) was as dry as the Sahara in summer and I stood no chance. I zoomed out ever so slightly to at least get a nice explosion pictured to add to this blog post, but even that failed me. The explosion was nice. Violent and slow, it briefly resembled a grey fluffy spider.

Kudos to the colonel who kindly emailed me the killmail headed 'you dead'. He brought a good fight and the pleasure was all mine. We have agreed that the fight was to be a draw and we should try again sometime.

So until then colonel Wieler…

That makes; celebritys 3- me 3

Related links/posts;
Roc Wielers version of events;
Celebrity Death Match Kill Board;


  1. Another enjoyable read. But damn, Lau...moar paragraph breaks pleeeeze. That all of text was almost TL;DR!!!

  2. I look forward to our tie breaking match, Civire. Good writeup, and very accurate.

    You have a promising career ahead of you.

  3. I'll say it Nashh since your obviously being too nice.


    When you enter into a 1v1, you take the loss. You do not bail and deny the victor the kill mail. To make it even worse, you kindly repaid him by killing his ship after you'd been given an opportunity to re-equip. The least you could have done that time was to stop firing when he was in hull. Really poor sportsmanship.

  4. Very nice! Maybe you should have taken his fight again his Firetail. I know they either have not the greatest DPS or the greatest tank.

    Besides all you'd be using is a T1 frigate.

  5. Dear Anonymous,

    I have to confess that you may be right, I have never considered ship combat a sport. As such, I may not have acted in a very sportsman like way. I am used to killing, or being killed; dueling is not in my nature.

    In the future, I will simply have to avoid dueling, as these precious killmails you refer to really have no bearing on my life at the end of the day.

    I have a war to fight.