Monday 14 September 2009

Celebrity Death Match #12 Spectre3353

Spectre3353 – Carebear Tear Extractor (13th September 2009)

Spectre, loved by some, loathed by others, none more so than his victims.

I have been following Spectre’s blogs for some time, with his unique style and with increased attention to his blogs I figured it was time to give him a call…

It appears I am most known as ‘that Celebrity Death Match Guy’, which suits me fine. It means I am not cold-calling. As soon as a pilot in Eve receives a convo of a person they do not know they check their bio…

After a short pause my convo request got answered with the now familiar; ‘you are that Celebrity Death Match guy!’. To which my reply was simply; ‘yes, and you sir are a celebrity’.

It has become the norm for celebrities to choose; location, hull type, any additional rules etc. To my relief the location was only 14 jumps away. To my dread however the ship type was to be Cruisers.

My CDM statistics clearly show my win/loss ratio in cruisers do not stack in my favour. However the choice is not mine and I accepted.

Even though a lot of time had been spend on Eve last week I had not managed to get a Cruiser to Egghelende.

Just after posting my weekly update, the first without a CDM, I decided to drop of a ship (via Jita) in the agreed system. I had spent a little time on the super secret epic CDM coming soon and planned to log for the night.

As always things don’t work out as planned; on arrival in Egghelende with Spectre in local I thought; ‘hell, why not’.

Just before my much needed beauty sleep and Spectre’s dinner we agreed to fight there and then.

Spectre undocked and warped to a safe-spot as I waited, slowly feeling the nerves build up. On his signal I undocked myself and aligned the ‘Caldari Navy Caracal’. I named the ship after the famous Caldari Faction Cruiser but I was strapped into something far from that.

After some losses in rigged Caracals (some pre-rig change) I decided to change my flavour and bring a Gallente Thorax. Electron Blaster fit, I set off on the long warp jump towards the ruthless pirate.

Heartbeat racing I cringed as the warp bubble collapsed. A Vexor, crap, the last thing I wanted to appear on my overview.

Readers may know I am a Caldari pilot mainly and indeed with a badly fit Thorax I had little chance. I fitted the Thorax with the best EFT had to offer on a Tech 1 level and with some named or Tech 2 mixed in. I figured with the high DPS I could still put out I would stand a chance against auto-cannons and/or missiles. However a skilled Blaster pilot was undoubtedly going to rip my first Thorax apart.

Drones burst out of their holds, their counter parts already filling my screen in bright flashy red. Lock, afterburner, orbit, scramble, web, FIRE!

Circling each other closely like birds of prey we fought over who was to be the bird and whom the prey.

Shields split and parted with the rest of our ships, his sooner than mine. Armour held for a moment but my inferior skills were now showing and rapidly overtook the decline of his integrity. My blaster skills at a mere minimum where to be my downfall. His armour dented as mine buckled, misshaped and contorted ready to break. I sighed as his mixed drones took the last of the armour and slowly began biting away at the soft structure. There was nothing left but the inevitable…

Unfortunately I could not provide the merciless cold-blooded man with the tears he so craved. I had enjoyed myself and deserved to lose.

Merciless? Cold-blooded? No not really. Spectre’s evil character is merely the façade of a nice geezer out for a laugh. We chatted briefly as both had important stuff to take care of (dinner/bed-time).

The carebear-tear-extractor explained his choice of ship was not his usual as he would normally go for a nano-setup to complement his snake implants. I laughed, slightly embarrassed and explained my implants where missile related. A brief mention on his side that the fight had been unfair but I corrected him and explained that truly all is fair in love and war.

It had been my choice to pick the Thorax with inferior fittings, and wrong implants. It had been my choice to fight an experienced PVP’er. Spectre beat me fair and square. However upsetting… How stupid of me. That Bstrd Spectre…

A tear welled up as I logged for the night…

Related links/posts;
Spectre’s blog;
CDM kill board;


  1. Another great CDM write-up. Love reading these.

  2. Good story and sounds like a fun fight! I always enjoy reading both your and Spectre's blogs.

  3. This is the best post you have ever done. I think you need to have more stories with this Spectre fellow. He is epic.

  4. Awesome. And you spelled façade correctly.

  5. LOLS. Another great CDM post! I love this series.

  6. I see what you did there.

    You tried to play on the famous python-fascination for penis and chose a ship that looks like one, figuring he would not shoot.

    But I am glad it did not work, go specc!