The Celeb, preparation…Sard Caid, what an excellent pirate name… every time his name comes up in one of the many Intel-channels we now share it fills me with dread. It exudes danger, dread and horror. Intimidating as his name had always been to me, his actions proved that it was not just hot air. This man means business, being ranked within Battleclinic’s top 500 pilots and an impressive solo career behind him.
On a few occasions we had spoken, nothing more than comments here or there though. Brief encounters in solar systems far and wide. I learned about Sard well over a year ago, when I read his blog through the now dead Capsuleer application. Tales of action and the result of looking for action, vividly explained in a well written manner and the occasional sprinkle of excellent Fiction.
Broadside is an ingenious name for a PVP biased blog, for those not familiar with the term broadside;
this is the wiki link.Sard also managed to get himself a cool article in E-On!I contacted Mr Caid a few weeks ago and asked if he would be interested in meeting me for a Celebrity Death Match. Sard was not familiar with my blog but after some explaining he agreed to meet me. It took him a few hours to catch up on some of some previous CDM’s and the rules. This CDM was to be different than any other, excellent. Sard proposed to fight in T1 frigates and to duel it out over 5 fights, first to 3 wins. Each fight a new frigate flavour would have to be used, No Faction items other than ammo were allowed, ECM would be allowed however Sard laughed; ‘ECM makes baby Jesus cry’… ‘Ha! Yeah’ I sniggered, making a mental note to not bring ECM.
With a fleet of war vessels at my disposal, choosing ships should be an easy task, right? Wrong. Worms, Comets, Dramiels, Daredevils and other such goodies are classified Faction and thus a nono, Enyo’s, Ishkurs, Wolves and various other frigate sized hulls adorn the many docking slots in my hangar; frigate sized yes but T1 they are not.
Ok so let’s take the T1 frigates that I have flown before and know work in some way or another;
‘Nuet-Riftah’ (one of LS’s designs), ‘Kessy of Doom’ (a CDM classic), ‘Chack’nul’ (Tristan fit by Chack’nul), and ‘Persey’ (Persephone’s Incursis) and a …
Mmm I am stuck…
Browsing forums for idea’s on a fifth frigate yielded nothing. I spent various hours on EFT trying to come up with a frigate fit that I believed in. I tried fitting a Griffin, but the DPS is laughable, and ‘ECM makes baby Jesus cry’. It would be funny though…
In my time in EVE I have met a few pilots that are simply exceptional at figuring out what fittings work on certain ships and one of those pilots is
00sage00 from Yarrbear tales. I was flicking through some stuff on his blog and then stumbled on ‘the gingerbread man’; a kiting-1v1-Vigil. Bingo! That’s just what I was looking for! Well, almost, I can’t use Artillery Cannons…
A few small amendments and hey presto, my fifth frigate was good to go! This fit also lacked a Warp-disruptor of any kind; interesting I thought and stripped all my frigates from Scram’s and replaced them with either webs or Tracking-disruptors.
Sard Caid is ranked 5500 places better than me on Battleclinic and has double the skill-points but I am so gonna kick this dudes ass!
-=o0o=-The fightsBoth of us had our frigates stationed one jump from the Weld solar system, and a ‘warp-to-point’ in Weld itself. Neither of us knew what ships the other would field, however I had made some estimates on what he was likely to bring and also in what order.
I had hoped Sard wouldn’t mention anything like it but to my dread he requested that all ships should fit a point or if it didn’t a draw could be achieved by warping off. ‘Yeah cool no worries’ I mumbled, cursing under my breath. (I replaced some of the ewar on my frigs with scrams)
Fight 1;For morale, self confidence and a general good start it was clear that both of us would field what is overall considered to be the best frigate available; the Rifter. I was pretty certain that he would bring one and judging from previous kill-mails he was likely to fit it with Auto-cannons and a Nos for weapons, web, scram and afterburner in mids, small plate and Small Armour rep in lows. Pretty classic.
I have been flying the Nuet-Riftah for some time now as I really really like the fitting. I have not scored a single kill with it just yet however and lost 4 of them. This is the fit that LS used to brutally destroy one of my earlier Rifter adventures. So, perfect right?
Rifter Vs Rifter;Both of us entered Weld and warped to the meeting point at our preferred range. As expected D-scan revealed I would be fighting a Rifter. I crossed my fingers and hoped he wouldn’t land 20 clicks from me and MWD/Arti me to death.
As our warp engines slowed and the sub-warp engines roared to life I already felt victory was mine; we both warped in nice and close. All my modules were overheated before the fight even started, cannons spat hot projectile rounds towards my foe. Nuzzle flare mixed with the red lightning streaking from my energy-neutraliser. At this close range the muzzle flashes from our cannons nearly touched. Then it dawned on me, this fight was over before it even started. It was obvious, I should have known; Sard has a web, I do not. What was I thinking?!
There was nothing I could do, with the lack of a Web myself; Sard was slowly edging away from me. His NOS comfortably kept his repper going, repairing the now little damage my ammo choice was doing. With barrage fitted and keeping me at arms-length, Mr Caid trounced my Rifter, shredding through shield, armour and hull.
1-0 to Sard Caid-=o0o=-Fight 2;It was likely for Sard to bring a Punisher, but would it be this round or the next? It was all a gamble so I undocked the ‘Kessy of Doom’. My gank-Kestrel used in this very format in previous CDM’s has a little sentimental value. No it isn’t the greatest frig ever, but I love it, and have had some great fights with them.
On jumping into Weld I held cloak and my breath. The stress and pressure of the first fight had been replaced by shaking hands and adrenaline coursing through my veins. I sighed, closed my eyes for a moment and mentally prepared for what was coming.
The gate induced cloak dissipated. My Kestrel slipped into a shakey warp-tunnel towards the meeting point.
‘A Kestrel!?’ Sard noted over comms, ‘what the hell am I supposed to do with that!’. Sards distress filled me with the confidence I needed. I focused; squinting at my head-up-display I activated all modules the very second I was able to.
Caldari Navy rockets spewed out of four launchers, fast and furious. Sard had chosen an Incursis but it was clear he had not flown one for a little while as the drone stayed firmly in its bay for at least 10 seconds. My single web did not slow my opponent’s vessel sufficiently for the rockets to achieve their full damage potential, the oversized shield on the Kestrel did a stellar job however and outlasted Sards’ shields and armour.
A damage control on Gallente ships add a significant amount of EHP to their structure. This fight would prove this yet again. Sards’ ship was on fire, leaving a trail of smoke and debris. His overheated weapons rained volleys of pain; straight through my armour, and straight through my hull.
In a moment of disbelief I watched my pod gently rock up and down amongst the Kessies wreckage. ‘Good fight!’ I mustered…
2-0 to Sard Caid-=o0o=-Fight 3;The subsequentl fight could determine the outcome of this CDM. The next ship I had in line was the Chack’nul named Tristan. A great little ship but also easily outmanoeuvred and kited. That was the reason I had removed the scram and put on a second webifier. It would give Sard the opportunity to warp himself to safety and force the fight into a draw. All or nothing I figured and took the webber back off and reinstalled the scrambler.
Tristan Vs MerlinThere was a distinct possibility that Sard Caid would bring a Tristan himself, if not, surely this time he is bringing the Punisher? Warping to the battlefield I spammed D-scan, slightly surprised to see a Merlin as ship of choice. Surprised also that Sard could fly Caldari ships, I had not seen any in loss-mails, or at least none that I could remember…
As with the previous fights both of us warped in nice and close. Caldari Navy rockets and antimatter hurtled towards the Merlin, crashing into its reinforced shields. My own shields were not long for this world, enemy fire cutting through them revealing the tougher armour-plates underneath.
Range and speed again proved to be the deciding factor. The Merlin’s top speed peaked well beyond the Tristan’s heavier fit. Desperate attempts to get my blasters back in range were futile; my heart sank, knowing the inevitable was due any second. One final attempt to slingshot myself into range failed and the last slivers of hull gave way. The Tristan erupted in a large blue ball of fire, ejecting smoke-trails from its core.
‘Ah damn!’ I proclaimed, knowing that I hadn’t even come close to beating Sard Caid. Three of my wrecks now littered the field; none of them had been looted yet.
3-0 to Sard Caid-=o0o=-Fight 4;The score was beyond redemption, this CDM was lost. We had already agreed to continue our fights even if a winner would be crowned after 3 fights. Both of us had prepared 5 frigates and were intend on seeing them destroy or be destroyed.
The next ship I had planned to use was the Incursis but it was time to redeem myself a little and bring out a MWD propelled vessel rather than a Afterburner. Time to bring out ‘the gingerbread man’.
Vigil Vs TristanThis was the first time for me undocking a Vigil, ever. My pending/delayed CDM with Aiden Mourne was to be in Vigils so this was to be a practise run.
Sard was in high spirits, the 3 previous victories clearly giving him superhuman confidence. I hoped that this would make him forget to check for basics like; ‘am I being scrambled?’. This Vigil sported a MWD and a sensor disruptor but no point of any kind.
A Tristan registered on the onboard scanner mid-warp to our battlefield. I commandeered the Vigil to 20 kilometres from the usual, intending to keep Sard’s Tristan at approximately 15 clicks range.
The Tristan struggled to hit me at this range, the MWD keeping my speed high enough to dodge several sling-shot attempts. Again there was a delay in Sard ejecting his combat drone, however once deployed I turned my pitiful DPS on the remote combat drone to eliminate the only damage I was taking.
Concentrating hard on keeping range and shooting Sard’s drone became harder as the drone repeatedly got retracted. I noticed that my Sensor disrupter didn’t have the effect I desired and became increasingly worried that Sard would bail and force this match to a draw. With Sard’s Gallente frigate now suffering severe Armor damage, glory was inching closer, I didn’t want to let this slip away...
Blood rushed to my head, I had done it! At least this CDM wouldn’t be a complete humiliation! What the….? No, no no NO! My speed dropped to less than 10% of its intended output, meaning only one thing; Sard had craftily tricked me in to a tighter orbit and managed to get a scram and a web on me.
A lack of patience and concentration had got the better of me, it didn’t matter if I had full shields, armor and hull, none of them had been reinforced as speed was my only defence. With Sards’ hull only just peering through my Vigil violently erupted, making it the fourth frigate wreck to litter the field.
4-0 to Sard Caid-=o0o=-Fight 5;I limped back to my staging station to pick up my final ship, already dreading having to write this post; imagining the heckles, fitting no no’s and general laughs I will have to endure. Sod it; I was smiling from ear to ear, this is the most fun I had had in ages.
Incursis Vs Griffin;Well at least I was sure this time on what Sard would be bringing, a Punisher, guaranteed. I stripped the scrambler and replaced it with a tracking disrupter, risking a draw but that didn’t matter anymore. Feeling confident I let ‘Persey’ slide into the darkness, aligned to the Weld gate and initiated the warpdrive.
‘At least I should win this one’ I stated over our comms channel. ‘I hope so’ Sard laughed, ‘but what makes you think that anyway?’. ‘Well…’ I started as I entered the Weld Solar system, ‘I have a pretty decent anti-Punisher fitting on this ha ha!’. Sard remained quiet for a few seconds then chuckled; ‘well, this is not a Punisher but I do have lasers’.
I aligned to the warp-in-point and engaged the warp-drive. D-scan revealed a Badger, clearly not Sard, a Griffin, clearly not Sard, a Thrasher also not Sard… Hold on a minute.. I .. but but…
I landed a split second before Sard Caid’s Griffin appeared on grid. I ejected my Hobgoblin, knowing that my drone would be my only chance. As soon as the onboard computer let me, I targeted the Griffin, send in my drone and immediately lost lock. A quick check satisfied me that at least the Drone had received its instructions and was attacking the Griffin. There was nothing left to do but wait… baby Jebus cried…
My singular drone was taking heavy damage and a difficult choice stood ahead of me; do I recall or not? Unable to check how much damage my foe was taking I made the choice to recall the drone, saving it from destruction but knowing that all I could do from that point on is hoping his ECM’s would drop a cycle.
Already in low armour I tried to make a run for it but just as I got myself in a position where I could warp off, his ECM missed; giving me a tiny window of opportunity. Weapons primed and overheated started spewing hot death at the Griffin, slamming through a last sliver of Armour before lighting up its hull. Thick plumes of smoke and fire trailed behind the Griffin.
Then...
Darkness returned, electronic blackout… ‘NOOOOOO!’ I yelped, letting go of controls and watched ‘Persey’ expand as a tiny blue flash vomited out my pod.
The celebrity
