Saturday 24 October 2009

EPIC Celebrity Death Match #16 Planet Risk (Part 2 of 2)

Planet Risk – EVE’s Voice (featuring Mynxee-the peoples favourite)

The wormhole sparkled brightly, with a dark red coloured heart, beating. Wormholes are fascinating to observe. It’s like looking into the back of a pulsating spoon made of mercury…

Upon entering Planet risk’s worm hole I felt strangely comfortable; I had spent a lot of time in wh space myself some time ago. My cloak faded around me as the mesmerising pulsating blob overshadowed my tiny frigate.

The journey had been tough, stressful and nearly fatal. An overwhelming sense of relief came over me. Still in unprotected space by far but the chatter in the now joined channels took away the feeling of fear. I made it, thank fuck I made it.

It had already been a long day by now, far longer than I intended but I had the house to myself and relaxed with a brew. I had earned it. The pending radio interview made me a little nervous but Mynxee gave me some good tips and advice; the best one being ‘have a drink’.

The inevitable attention this fight would get made it even more important to win than any other CDM so far. Mynxee, none other than Mynxee had agreed to join me in this adventure and I did not want to let her down.

Our tactics were solid, our setups had been solid until I lost the fittings I intended, however I still had faith in my modules recommended by 67 to 1 pilots according to Battle Clinic. I couldn’t wait to get into the Navy Vexor for the first time and online my shiny gear.

The wormhole was bustling and a fair amount of pilots had logged in by now, keeping themselves busy; some going off to mine, some returning to watch the warriors collect their vessels. An orca placed securely within the gun-less POS held our Faction Cruisers.

I had not dealt with a POS for so long I couldn’t remember where to enter the password for its shields. I had to swallow my pride and ask for help and kicked myself for looking like a dork when the answer came.

My laptop already in a bad condition, had severely heated up since arriving and I feared it might over heat. For some reason it used to overheat quicker when I spent time within my own wh POS some time ago. The only thing that helped was zooming all the way out for the time I spent in the protective bubble, then get out as soon as possible.

The shiny hull of the Vexor appeared just metres away from me. God she is sexy, her greenish sleek hull, like a Greyhound on roids. I never thought I’d like Gallente ships, being a Caldari myself those Vexors where laughable a few months ago. Vexors look like hairdryers at best, so I thought, but more and more I appreciated their shape and power.

Fitting didn’t take me long, I had exactly what I wanted and needed. Mynxee realised she had not crammed a plate in the hull of her covert ops ship and requested the local inhabitants for a spare. I immediately joined in, asking for some spare Cap Boosters myself as I had only managed to bring 6. I had enough so I thought but I didn’t want to risk capping out so a few spare wouldn’t go amiss.

Having my ship ready I decided to warp out of the bubble and wait 100k from the POS to save my laptop. I am a PC noob but am I right in thinking the POS bubble takes up more CPU due to graphic content and therefore can affect a laptops overheating? Maybe not, but it sure worked for me. The laptop cooled enough for me to believe I could make it to the end of the fight.

We had all switched to the Ventrillo channel used by Planet Risk by now. It didn’t affect my reception but Mynxee being rewired via Athens clearly didn’t help communications. Patience however is golden in this girl and her experience with bad connection showed.

We requested a private channel to discuss tactics during the fight and I had hoped Mynxee would take the lead. Instead she made me the reluctant Fleet Commander. Our tactics discussed again became worrying as Mynxee was convinced more EWAR would be used than I anticipated myself.

We decided in the end however on an open approach to the first minutes of the engagement; I would warp in 20 k further than Mynxee to ensure she would be primary and for me to drop sentry drones to take out their ECM drones may they use them. Mynxee sported a mean tank on her ship compared to mine and with her reputation she was sure to be the main target.

The arena was set; in between 2 planets a safe –spot was made and we were to warp to our optimal range from our prospective planets. The Bastards took up planet 7, Planet Risk would fly in from planet 6.

Teadaze got himself into the right position to record the fight; close enough to target the participants but far enough not to get in the way. The gathering crowd warped in just behind him, popcorn at the ready.

Heart beating faster, controlling my breath I signalled I was as ready as could be. Quivering Palm and Luminus Aardokay were also clearly nervous, speaking fast, repeating the rules again. Mynxee had remained calm throughout but now excitement had clearly affected her. This was it, now was the time.

The Bastards warped in, Mynxee to 0 and me following closely behind at 20k. The rules were simple; we would warp to the bookmark at out preferred range, we would wait for Teadaze to count down, then fight to the pod. The enemy Navy Vexor warped in, nearly hugging Mynxee, not a surprise, and then the Navy Caracal came in at a similar range?!? Now that was a surprise. We expected to kill the Vexor first, and then try to catch up with a range tanking Caracal.

Too late to change our mind or change our fittings; Teadaze signalled the inevitable 5...4...3...2...1...GO GO GO!

I stuck to the plan, immediately speeding towards Lumi’s vessel and opened up, obviously my initial shots missed as I was not in range. I dropped the Faction Sentry’s and started targeting the various drones now deployed by our foes.

Somewhat confused and in disbelief my shields started to take damage. I...what? Why? Why would they go for me? ‘O shit..’ I mumbled to Mynxee, ‘I am primary’. My shields vanished swiftly; I had expected this however it is still a scary sight being a shield tanker normally.

The moment of truth for me had come, this was the point were Battle Clinic would prove itself. I activated both small Armor Reps and the damage seemed to negate for a brief moment. Not for long however as the enemy Vexor had reached his optimal and started pounding away more Armor than I could fix.

I had fitted an ECM module to counter the Gallente vessel ripping into me but so far it had proven unsuccessful. With my DPS split as the sentry’s where still going after various drones I panicked and switched all weapon systems to the Vexor clearly doing the most damage, in the hope to take him out before I would blow up myself.

In a final attempt to get away from the damage being inflicted on me I turned and aligned to the planet we had flown in from and burned off. Overheating modules could not save me any longer and I admitted to Mynxee; ‘I am going down..’.

‘What?! No way?!’ she replied, as stunned as I was. ‘Sorry’ I managed to squeeze out as my screen turned into a bright flash. Parts of my Faction Cruiser violently propelled themselves across the battlefield, leaving a trail of grey smoke behind them.

Months of preparation, hundreds of millions of isk spent, a six hour stressful journey and an angry wife, all for 2 minutes of adrenaline fuelled action; priceless.

The hope of CDM victory lay with my glorious wing-woman. She fought valiantly and did not give up. Being chased by our two foes she held up well. ECM drones buzzed around her hull, tracking disrupters to boot. Not a chance, no hope.

The reason why we had intended to make Mynxee primary now very obvious, her tank was immense. However, unable to fire, frustrated, the people’s favourite finally gave in.

The smooth surfaces of the Pirate hull no more, as it bent, buckled then expanded into the vacuum.

‘Aww’ Mynxee spoke. As we discussed what had happened and what went wrong the Planet Risk crew celebrated their victory in the background.

I sat back with a fresh beer and watched their pilots fight over the dropped faction loot from my wreck, like ravenous dogs, pilots claimed the drones and the Gisti Armor reps. To the victor the spoils I sighed…

You win some, you learn some. That was my motto and this time it turned out to be the latter. Mynxee too took the loss very well, I had flown with her before in a Bastard roam where she lost a ship and remained calm and focussed, no tears ever from this pirate.

We hung around and decided to record our post-match Radio interview, the moment I dreaded. ‘I don’t have the face for radio’ I had protested some time ago but by now I didn’t care anymore.

For those of you reading this I presume you will all be living it large and partying hard in the Hellcats Pub. I on the other hand am missing out. I had booked the night off work, rare for me as Saturday nights are the busiest night of the week. But I am without a laptop. It is still not fixed and it doesn’t look like I will have it back before Wednesday now.

I shall post related links as and when I can and hope you all have fun, watch me and Mynx go down in flames in the fantastic video provided by Teadaze and listen in to our radio interview; it’s not too bad.

Ps; if someone wants to donate their winnings in the lottery that’ be sweet as it appears I am fresh out of Carriers, Faction ships and shiny gear. =)

Ps; pictures to follow if my laptop ever returns…

Ps; this is the link to the video!!! Ace job Teadaze!

Ps; yes i did get my laptop delivered back to me at 11pm Saturday night by my computer man. for all the hard time i gave him the poor bastard came to my house to drop it of. What a legend. however I can run EVE for a mere 5 minutes before it cuts out. I got to show my face in the Hellcats pub briefly, said hi to the bloggers and poof... laptop is fuuuked up. /me sighs. Watch this space....


  1. The heroic Vexor Navy Issue that I flew was given out at the party to Lord Maximullis as a prize. Quivering Palm's Caracal Navy Issue though has been stored and will be sent out to you as a token of our appreciation =)

    Awesome writeup man.. As for your laptop there's only one solution to it.. but you'll have to Dare to be Bold... you have to open it up completely, and carefully take out all the dust and dirt that now is covering ventilation and cooling systems in it.. I've seen loads of laptops overheating...

    Anyway.. expect our version of the story soon =)

  2. Great read :) I'm not even going to bother writing up my perspective of it because you have done such a fine job.

    I hope you get your laptop fixed. I second Lumi's suggestion. Mine was starting to run hotter so I used a long bristled paint brush to drag amazing amounts of lint, pet hair, and dust out of the ventilation slots--even without taking off the cover. Didn't have the overheating problem after that. Did your computer guy clean it out for you?

  3. Great read and video! Too bad about the quick exit on your part but it was smart of the other team to target your vexor instead of the Cynabal.

    Next time consider using your vexor with speed tank and range, give them a harder time of it? :)

  4. This is SO over-written.

  5. Great read - once again. Very nice video! Hm... That interview of yours, can one get to hear that anywhere now that I missed The Party saturday?

  6. yep we will be uploading a podcast version of the interview on ... soon! (tm)

  7. If you're laptop's that fucked, try setting up a meticulous overview, and playing from the solarsystem map. It's what I do; PvP's not too hard.